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Archive for the tag “mistakes”

Heart of Rain

This poem, I wrote in a moment of despair. I was crying after my pet’s death (my cat Kira, 5 y-old, poisoned), and I was thinking about what I did when I encouraged my mother to move 700 kilometers away from my birth town. That time, I was moving to Bordeaux for my studies, and I was desperate to let my family away. So I planted the idea of moving in my mother’s mind, and she accepted it. It’s the biggest mistake I ever made since I’m legally adult, I think. No, in fact, it’s the biggest mistake I ever made about my family life.

I am feeling so guilty about it. It’s unbearable to think I let them, the most precious people I have, in such position. They currently suffer because of that, with no money, no hope, and not much help. Even though my mom says it’s not my fault, I know she resents me about it. She loves me, of course, but if I’d never planted this idea in her mind, and played with her guilty feelings to let me on my own, away from her (she’s very caring and protecting), she would have never moved.

The poem goes like this:

My head is all cloudy today

Dark sky of my thoughts is threatening

I know I’ll make the wrong choices

I already made so many

But this time it’s changing

Reason has come to me

I know it’s all over

Heavy drops from the sky are falling on my hair and face

Heart is full of this dark water

Making memories hurt

In places I didn’t even know of

The rain never stops falling

Decisions are tough to take

When you know all you can do is hurting the ones you love most

I say sweet words but my mouth is full of a bitter taste

Maybe you’ll guess something’s wrong

And when you do you would try to help me

But you’re full of light so you can’t touch me right now

I’m trapped in a deep well, and the water is heavy

Don’t try to reach me, you’ll just drown yourself in it too

I’m going down without a fight.

Silence is my destiny

And that’s so relieving

No pain. No light.

No life.

Nothing.

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