I just wrote this one, after a desperate call from my mother. She was crying her heart out because she didn’t eat much for a whole month due to lack of money, and she has a lot of financial problems. She’s really poor. So I tried to console her the best I could, but she couldn’t stop crying. So I had no choice but to leave her a list of things to ask to the social worker she has a appointment tomorrow with, and to make a call to my older sister. She and my mother are not in good terms right now, but I called her anyway to beg her to lend some money to my mother. She made me see her side of the story, and explained to me why she was so hurt about my mother’s acts. I didn’t know how she felt before. But she’s a good person, and a good sister, so she finally decided to help her, for my sake. After all these years without seeing her, I finally found out what it’s like to have a big sister. I was always the oldest daughter at home when she left at age 18 (I’m 10 years younger, with a younger sister and brother to care about). So, thank you very much big sis, I’ll remember this. If you ever need me, I’ll be there. The poem goes like this:
Constantly forced to look back
To see the two sides of the story
Always wondering what to do
How to win back the luck
You’re all I have
And yet I want to be free of you
To let you behind
And let you evolve
You’re more precious than any jewel
To my eyes
You’re what makes life liveable
In this tough world
But I’m tired.
I’m tired to drag you from the ground
I’m tired to be the person who tells the truth
I’m tired to think of your whereabouts
I’m tired to constantly care about you
I am ashamed of these thoughts
Ashamed to cry and beg in your place
Ashamed to put my pride aside
Ashamed to think maybe it’s better to abandon you
Start a life where I can be free from my heart
But I’ll never be able to let you alone
Unless I break my heart in a million pieces
And forget about where I come from
Forget about the life you gave me
Even though it’s a tough, meaningless and painful life.
How will all that be solved ?
Are you capable of living a normal life, one day?
I know some of you are
Because they’re young
Free and untouched like a new canvas
But, some of you must suffer
Because the changes are too big
Because you cannot take the chances
Because you never change and reconsider
The way you live
How is it possible to help you then?
Let me just escape from this slow agony.