featherlesswings

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Free from my heart

I just wrote this one, after a desperate call from my mother. She was crying her heart out because she didn’t eat much for a whole month due to lack of money, and she has a lot of financial problems. She’s really poor. So I tried to console her the best I could, but she couldn’t stop crying. So I had no choice but to leave her a list of things to ask to the social worker she has a appointment tomorrow with, and to make a call to my older sister. She and my mother are not in good terms right now, but I called her anyway to beg her to lend some money to my mother. She made me see her side of the story, and explained to me why she was so hurt about my mother’s acts. I didn’t know how she felt before. But she’s a good person, and a good sister, so she finally decided to help her, for my sake. After all these years without seeing her, I finally found out what it’s like to have a big sister. I was always the oldest daughter at home when she left at age 18 (I’m 10 years younger, with a younger sister and brother to care about). So, thank you very much big sis, I’ll remember this. If you ever need me, I’ll be there. The poem goes like this:

Constantly forced to look back

To see the two sides of the story

Always wondering what to do

How to win back the luck

I’m tired.

You’re all I have

And yet I want to be free of you

To let you behind

And let you evolve

I’m tired.

You’re more precious than any jewel

To my eyes

You’re what makes life liveable

In this tough world

But I’m tired.

I’m tired to drag you from the ground

I’m tired to be the person who tells the truth

I’m tired to think of your whereabouts

I’m tired to constantly care about you

I am ashamed of these thoughts

Ashamed to cry and beg in your place

Ashamed to put my pride aside

Ashamed to think maybe it’s better to abandon you

Start a life where I can be free from my heart

But I’ll never be able to let you alone

Unless I break my heart in a million pieces

And forget about where I come from

Forget about the life you gave me

Even though it’s a tough, meaningless and painful life.

How will all that be solved ?

Are you capable of living a normal life, one day?

I know some of you are

Because they’re young

Free and untouched like a new canvas

But, some of you must suffer

Because the changes are too big

Because you cannot take the chances

Because you never change and reconsider

The way you live

How is it possible to help you then?

It’s not.

Let me just escape from this slow agony.

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